Chika! I am tired of this relationship; replied Lilian- you come home everyday a different man. No more romance in our marriage, affection is now a thing of the past. Chika understanding Lilian’s complain, but frustrated and encumbered with the challenges of his banking career couldn’t see why his wife cannot be supportive and encouraging.
Keeping your relationship strong and dynamic is a huge challenge.
The biggest problem most couples face in the ever fast moving world is simply not creating time to be creative in their relationship and spending time every week finding new ways to surprise and be romantic to their partners.
“After going to work, taking the children to and fro school, with other domestic activities-cooking, cleaning and other daily tasks, there seems like there is little time to BREATHE!… let alone be romantic to my husband. It is a serious huge task for me”. This was the complaint of Adaure a seasoned Human Resource consultant
All these expressions are not strange to the modern married couples of this 21stcentury, we all seem to carry similar burdens and weight that cannot be easily expressed.
In all we do, we should understand and come to the banquet of reasoning that relationships require a lot of patient and work, lots of it. For us to navigate the coast line of relationship gallops and ‘congregational laughter’ at the court of the magistrate, we urgently need to cultivate the following habits intentionally:
Deeply understand your partner
With the present economic challenge that most couples face, it has become a bit difficult for couples to find time for each other. This was the challenge I, Chinedu faced mid last year, I have so much going on in my new assignment in my corporate world and also setting up businesses in some Africa countries, that it became so difficult to spend time with my beautiful wife.
But one of the things that helped us swim out of this turbulent part was the ability of myself and Helen to understand our vision as married couple- and to always talk about everything and anything.
It is important to always open up the line of communication; this helps couples to understand their partner line of thought and fantasy. Never be afraid to ask your partner questions that troubles your mind, but it must be done with wisdom- understanding the best communication time.
Show your love in a UNIQUE way often
When was the last time you said “I love you?” Not just the words… but when did you really put some time and energy into it? Never underestimate how much a thoughtful “I love you” can turn around a relationship. Medical doctors and Psychologists have come to understand that words spoken with care and deep affection have a deep immune efficiency and great healing effect. So learn to say sweet and affectionate words to your spouse no matter the circumstances, issues will always come up just keep it in mind that it is part of marriage journey that disagreement is a visiting neighbor that should not allow to spend a night.
These I am committed to Do and What about you? Simple ideas:
Send your partner a unique gift periodically
When gift is mention, a lot of us think about money but we should understand that understanding your spouse’s love language is a gift that must be constantly honoured.
Never stop working to discover your spouse’s love language, it has great emotional relieve and connection when applied frequently.
We can also take time to send a letter to your spouse inscribe ‘I Love You’ inside a heart. Place your drawing inside and type up a formal address label of your partner’s workplace, such as: “For the immediate and urgent attention of: Helen Obi 1431 Heritage Road, Victoria Island, Lagos.” Mail it to your partner so they receive it in the middle of a busy day.
Bring back Youthful Memories
Contact your partner’s childhood or teen friends or even family and ask if there was anything she always wanted when she was a little girl. If you do not have access to that information then pay close attention to the things she raves about. You might get some hints from there. She will not only appreciate the gift, but also the fact that you were thoughtful enough to find out what she always wanted. You can do this for your man too will have a lasting impact on your partner.
Develop unique bedroom activities
Visit a masseur to learn massage tips or book a session with the directoress to improve on your bedroom skills. Both parties need to be willing to work at it. It takes two to Tango, to be a fantastic spouse one has to be creative and bring in new sparks in the bedroom; knowing that it will improve your intimacy
You can also take time to bath together, we should understand that constant practice of whatever bedroom activities we create will soon become an habit that both of you long for…
You can play the porn to your partner, just create a spark and enjoy the moment for live they say ‘is too short’.
Never Stop Dating
Often we do stop some important activities immediately we get married to our lover bird or after child birth.
Is dating only for new relationships? NO!
While being with someone for a long time makes it easy to slip into a stable and comfortable routine, the problem is you often lose that spark that made your relationship so special in the first place.
Never stop dating! Have a water fight, stare at the clouds on a grassy hill, organize a backyard picnic or go to a cinema. Dedicate time each week or month to doing fun things with your partner.
Always Activate your Intimacy
Brighten the corners…send the children to bed early; never make your bedroom the only sanctuary for lovemaking. Nothing stop both of you to make love in the kitchen, or at the living room while the children have gone to bed, but make sure doors are secured before you both gets unprepared guest.
The most profound way to rekindle the romance in your marriage is to spice up your lovemaking.
Try and get to know your partners pleasure points. Touch, tease and caress them so you can ignite the fire in the bedroom
Put on that little thing the he likes or spray that woody cologne that she likes so you can both enjoy each other’s company.
Maintain good levels of hygiene on both ends. Bad odour is a total turn off
Surprise your partner with a little gift after you make love, try a new position, learn to give your partner a sensual massage before or after, or just spend some time staring into each other’s eyes and caressing their bare skin before making love. Many people underestimate the power of touch; learn to make your finger a naughty one for your spouse.
The Directoress (Happiness Consultant)
Chinedu Obi (Relationship & Intimacy Consultant)
Contacts: 08143062057, 08054304942